I never told you about my nightmare...

This is an old unpublished note, even older than I mention next... I think it is timeless to a person like me.. Question everything, and who are we if re-evaluation does not reoccur frequently. Its just a part of my life to be the bad guy...

So I wrote this a few weeks back with out paying much attention to the grammar. It still remains incomplete.

I woke up one morning just to find my whole world was empty.

There was no one; even the familiar seemed unfamiliar. There were things- material possessions that once helped me find happiness spread through my room: pictures, credit cards, clothing, cell phone, car keys, a pack of smokes, a wad of cash- all meaningless haunting the body that my ghost sat up from, it was as if my dehydrated and cocooned body lay in a tomb like a mummy prepared for the after-life.
I did not know who I was.

If I continued to share my dream with you, would you be able to read it?

Its kind of funny how one can love another while being scared of that person at the same time.

I am a scary person...

I am a scary, dark, and ugly person...

I am a scary, dark, and ugly disturbing person...

I am a scary, dark, and ugly disturbingly bad person...

Whatever I am, I know it would not be easy to see me in this state. I'm worried about who I am when i am alone. Knowing where I have come from before I enter the room to avoid the storm, am I doing justice by coming in? Sometimes I feel like I belong out in the downpour.

I am afraid to be inside, because I have been there before. I'm not sure if Ive changed right yet. I'm afraid to scare you away.
When I woke up I was unsure of how long it had been, but something told me that I had been dreaming for way to long.

No one knew where I was, I'm not sure that at this point anyone really cared. There was a heavy sensation as if there was a ton of weight in my lap. As I attempted to stand, my legs gave way to all of the fatigue, and the rush of what felt like 1000 glowing red hot bearings pulsed through my body burning out my inside.

I was still to numb.
What had I dreamt?

The pain was to unbearable to feel anything at all.

This dream, it was the first dream I could remember, and never forget. Before then the only way to record my glorious and sometimes Cork fantasies would be to keep a pen and pad next to my bed at all times. This was the first full dream that I had commit solely to memory- One that I would never have to record on a page, until now..

I chose to share it because It still manages to haunt me whether I'm sleeping or awake while zoned out. Anytime it comes to mind- on a day like today, in an hour like the present, it still stands out.

In this dream I was surrounded by the richest and darkest black- There was nothing. I cant describe the feeling, because there was none. It simply ends there.